Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Who's there?

When I started to blog many years back, I did it anonymously. That's because I bitch alot on my blog about people that I know. Or maybe I just didn't want people to know the real me. There is a part of myself that not many people will ever see. I guess it's the same for many people. We build certain walls around ourselves for protection...eventually, the wall is so strong we don't know how to tear it down. There are things that only a couple of people knows the whole truth, and certain things that no one else knows besides myself. Not everyone can handle the truth and not be judgemental about my character and principles. In the past, things had happened and I let the other party seek whatever pity he wants from our friends. I do not want to paint a pathetic picture of him to people we know, so I let it be. People who knows the truth will say I did the right thing, even though it's a little too late as I was hurt pretty bad in the whole crappy situation. I'm not bitter about it anymore as time does heal all wounds. But thinking back to those naive days of mine, I really do shudder in shame. But we all learn from our mistakes. I surely did.

I'm not sure if people would say I'm a private person. But I think it depends who is being asked that question. Trust is really hard to come by isn't it? But in these day and time, who the hell have time to listen to me blabbering about my problems? Everyone has tonnes of problems of their own. If anyone bothered to ask about what you did...you'll probably think the person is being nosy instead of caring!

Why did I decide not to blog anonymously on this new blog of mine? Well, I guess I do not want to hide anymore. People always have this weird perception of me that somehow baffles me. Maybe with this blog, people would get a little glimpse of the real me in cyberspace since they fail to do that in real life. But then, maybe this blog is just a way of me trying to make sense of myself.

I know a couple of people who reads my blog occasionally...they are friends of course. Makes me wonder if their perception of me changed after reading my posts. There are some people who doesn't know me personally but somehow stumbled into my blog. These new friends would probably build their perception of me based on my posts. It's a little scary as if we ever met in person, what are their expectations? I once asked a friend whether I sound the same in real life and in my blog. The answer is yes. At least I can be sure I'm not the right track and not building a cyber personality that is fake. Most of the time, I do not know who is reading my ramblings as no one leaves a comment. That is probably the only way I'll know you're reading unless of course you tell me you read my blog during yumcha sessions. It'll be nice to know who is visiting so I don't repeat stories I've blog about during yumcha or when we meet =P But it's okay even if no one is reading my blog, because I'm blogging for ME.

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