Wednesday, September 30, 2009


When the night is dark and quiet, my mind goes into an overdrive.
Thoughts race through my mind.
Some good ones, most of the time, crazy ones.
It's when there's nothing to distract me, my mind decides to distract itself.
When it's so quiet, fears that I have surface.
Clear and loud.
I can't ignore them, and it keeps me awake till I fall asleep from exhaustion.
I know I think too much and maybe most of my fears are just fragments of my imagination.
I worry about the present. I worry about the future.
I worry about things that I can't control.
Which I know is useless.
Because we can't change what is happening and we can't control what is going to happen.
Life is such that we have to adapt in whatever situation we find ourselves in.
Many times unpleasant.
There is no point in being stubborn as the only one drowning would be ourselves.
I believe life is fated.
That our life path is written somewhere in the universe and we are just going through the motion.
Everything happens for a reason.
People we meet, people we love, people we hurt.
We can't escape our destiny.
If it's meant to be, then it will be.
And I think my parents divorce was meant to be as well.
People makes decisions and they have to live by it.
You can't blame others for the path you have chosen.
I always believe that you wouldn't know whether you've chosen to journey on the right path until you've arrived at the final destination.
And how would you know the other path won't take you to the same place?
Some people are pessimistic.
I get that. I have my dark cloudy days too.
But people who are negative and stubborn gets on my nerves.
If you don't want any advice, then stop complaining.
If you don't want to change, then don't blame others if they can't accept you.
Can't please everyone.
Just have to pick who we want to please.
I'm not sure what I'm rambling on about anymore.
My thoughts are everywhere.
There are things on my mind that's driving my nuts and yet I can't blog about it.
I've realised that self censorship is the way to go for this little blog of mine.
It's hard to find someone to trust where I can say whatever's on my mind and not worry about their reaction.
I'm so blunt sometimes and I know it.
The older I get, the lonelier the world seems to me.
Gone were innocence and acceptance.
All people talk about is money.
Money that.
Status is about money.
Happiness is about money. 
Filial piety is about money.
Intelligence in about money.
Worthiness is about money.
Love is about money.
And I'm so sick of it.
Is a person without money less human?
Do they not bleed?
Maybe it's just me...the weird one...because everyone around me talks money.
Kids compare pocket money.
Teenagers compare gadgets.
Young adults compare salaries.
Seniors compare childrens.
Maybe even when dead they are comparing their graves.
Among all, to me, comparing of spouses is the worst.
I have a wonderful husband though I admit he has his flaws.
But please don't tell me how good someone else husband is just because he could buy his wife a BMW and lives like a queen in a bungalow.
Princess Diana lived a fairy tale and yet she wasn't happy.
She's also dead.
Yet in this materialistic world we live in, people are shallow.
No amount of money is enough.
No doubt we need money to live in this world.
The only thing still free in this world is the air we breathe.
If one cannot find contentment in what one already have then one cannot be truly happy.
It'll be like chasing after a rainbow.


Jess said...

Tracy, u really got to get something occupy ur time...Cheers...

Tracy said...

I agree =)

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