Moving On

It's been awhile since I blogged. I actually missed blogging but with me back in the work force right now, not much time is left after a day of work. 
Weekends are spent with Eric as he's now fortunate enough to be off on Sundays.
Things will definitely change soon when the hotel opens.

Can't believe I've been working for almost 2 months already.
Time just whoosh by and I'm left wondering what I've done in 2 months.

Work is stressful sometimes.
Confusing in other times.
I'm still learning and I'm going as fast as I can.
But I'm so tired...I'm hoping I'll figure out what I want soon.

Again I feel like I'm back at square one.
The feelings are back and this time, I'm keeping it all inside.
I know it's bad, I know it'll drive me nuts. I have no choice.
How can I forget? How can I not remember?
It still hurts like a bitch.
I tried to let go. God knows I tried but yet it haunts me.
I'm trying to be strong, to be brave.
I'm beginning to feel that I've lost myself in the quest to make others happy.
Walking on eggshells all the time is exhausting...
So many things I'm bottling up inside...when would it end?
Who would understand these conflicting thoughts of mine?

As the sun sets everyday...I feel that I'm drifting further away.
I need an explanation...I want to fucking know why?
And yet that is an answer I'll never know till the day I'm dead and 6 feet under.

So what did I fought so hard for?
Only time will tell if my sacrifices and pain was worth it.
Until then...I'll just fake it till I fucking believe it.